Monday, September 14, 2009

On being cured...

Hi everyone.

This has been a really hard weekend. Last Friday morning, Sara, my 16 year-old poodle, finally departed this world for a better place. She was struggling each day and getting worse so we had to do the most difficult thing I've ever done as an adult, and take her to the vet to be put to sleep. I sobbed and sobbed and I think I even scared the poor vet with my grief. This was so hard for me because I had so many attachments to Sara. She was there for me through all of the illnesses and trials of life and she was faithful and sweet. There is a huge hole in our lives right now and even though I'm so happy she is no longer struggling, I selfishly miss her terribly. Another client at the vet saw me crying and told me to look this up online to see if it would help. It is called The Rainbow Bridge and it did help.

I actually started writing this post on Saturday but I just couldn't publish it. The pain was too raw and fresh. I'm better now. I still hear her little toenails clicking on the hardwood floors and some phantom hacking coughs around the house but overall, I'm more in the place of peace than anguish.

Grief is such an amazing teacher. I've learned all over again what it is to love with abandon and to lose yourself in pain with equal fervor. How lucky we are to be alive to feeling such exquisite pain and joy. Pain is relative in fact, to joy. If Sara had just been a "dog" to me instead of a beloved pet I would have felt very little beyond a brief sadness at the loss of any animal. But this complete and shattering pain reminds me how lucky I am to be alive and to be surrounded by people I love and cherish. Sara is now "cured" as my daughter so brilliantly stated and I am moving toward being cured myself. Moving back into being whole.

Thanks so much for following me on my journey.




Vickie said...

I am so sorry! I hope you do find peace.

Kristina P. said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about Sara! My thoughts are with you.

Tay said...

Oh, Jan! I am so sorry to hear this. Sending you good thoughts as you grieve Sara's loss. The inter-species relationships is so precious, sometimes I cry just thinking about how fortunate I am. My pup is 15 this year and I treasure every minute with her.


bodaat said...

oh honey, i am so sorry that sara has left you. it sounds like you made the right decision but i know it was a hard one. may your heart by comforted by the wonderful memories you have and the knowledge that she is chasing bunnies to her heart's content in heaven.
love, love,

Deanna said...

I'm so sorry, Jan. Losing pets is never easy. But you did the right thing. Hugsssssssss.

BlissGal said...

Sara gave you such unconditional love and she was there for you all the way. What more can we ask then to open our heart...again and again. That love endures.

Much love,