Thursday, October 16, 2008

Just Thursday

Sitting in my car listening to kids chattering, music playing, heart pumping... but is it an uplifted joyful kind of listening or an overstressed, "had it up to here" kind of listening? The choice is mine. I can take any circumstance and choose to react with either loving-kindness or angry rejection. This back and forth can happen for me in the blink of the eye. I have certainly bounced lately from deeply felt contentment to fiery rejection within a few hours. I notice it especially after a session teaching yoga in which I come close to connecting the dots for my students but just miss by a few steps. I become frustrated after a session that has many elements that are well-crafted, but somehow doesn't "do the job". I know I shouldn't expect perfection, but it still frustrates me that even one student might leave my class unmoved by my efforts. My mind tells me to let go of ego and accept my humanness, but the larger ego gets in the way and demands more. And so the joy in teaching turns to frustration and disappointment. And then another day passes, another class is taught with more skill and intuition, and the crisis passes. Life goes on .... breathe in... breathe out... repeat. I still choose to breathe in more joy than disappointment and I hope you do too.



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