I have a confession to make:
I'm a fraud.
I encourage my students every single day to practice letting go of the past and the future and to focus only on the moment at hand. Breath by breath.
I stink at this sometimes. And this day was one of those times.
I got caught up in drama and lost it. I vented, I fretted, I even whined. I tried to control the future outcome and lamented the failings of the past. Today was not a good day for this practitioner of mindfulness... except.... I recognize it. I totally get IT. I allowed myself to get caught up in old patterns for the sake of momentary comfort rather than facing the truth of my feelings and emotions in the moment. I got some momentary juice and power from going rogue but now I'm left with regret and sadness. I have more work to do on calming my reactive muscle and building up the deliberate response one instead.
So I guess technically I'm not so much a fraud but more just an imperfect being on my own path. Practicing, making mistakes, and trying to catch myself sooner in the moment rather than reacting first and regretting later. And maybe making mistakes and learning to love myself whether I am zen or zany is actually a pretty good quality for a teacher. Maybe it's a pretty good quality for anybody.
So I guess, I'm really okay. And I suspect you are really okay too, in this moment, no matter what....
You can now return to your regularly scheduled life. Sorry for the false alarm.